


The Tiger and the Lamb

by FlavorofKylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Cheating, Cock Warming, Dark, Dark Humor, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Dark Reylo, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, Don't get in her way, F/M, Feral Rey, Happy Ending, Jealousy, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, No beta we die like Amazons, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Poor Bazine, Possesive Rey, Possessive Ben Solo, Praise Kink, Promise, Protective Ben Solo, Rey's 20 Ben is 32, Rey's not a good girl, Sexual Tension, Soft Ben Solo, Stalking, Teacher-Student Relationship, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Voice Kink, Yes its dark, blink-and-you-miss-it daddy kink, but Rey is not a murderer, dark fic lite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:42:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27164716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlavorofKylo/pseuds/FlavorofKylo
Summary: Its 1987-- four years since Rey was in Mr. Solo's history class at Coruscant high.  When she returns home from her university for Christmas break,  their paths cross again, bringing up old feelings--and new conflicts.This fic is the sequel to "Don't Be Afraid; I Feel it, Too."
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 54
Kudos: 274
Collections: The 50 Shades of Rey





	1. Burning Bright

**Author's Note:**

> "When the stars threw down their spears  
> And water'd heaven with their tears:  
> Did he smile his work to see?  
> Did he who made the Lamb make thee?"  
> *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home from university for Christmas break, Rey runs into her former favorite teacher--and biggest crush ever-- Mr. Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are little girls made of?  
> What are little girls made of?  
> Sugar and spice and everything nice  
> That's what little girls are made of.

Rey strolled the aisles of Galaxy Market lazily, dropping things into her basket. Everything she had on was new: her silver goose-down vest, her skinny jeans and her pink high-top Reeboks. She was feeling damn good, and she thought she looked pretty good, too. Her Walkman was blasting the mix tape Jason had given her for Christmas when he kissed her good-bye at the bus stop. Side one was all Billy Idol songs, because he knew she was obsessed with Billy at the moment.

_Last night a little dancer_   
_Came dancing to my door_   
_Last night a a little angel_   
_Came pumping on my floor_

Picking up the last few items Maz needed and throwing them into her cart, she half danced, half strolled down the aisle toward the register, when she saw him and froze.She knew right away, even from behind, who it was, standing at the back of the line. She’d recognize those wide shoulders and that glossy black hair anywhere: Mr. Solo.

Ben.

She hadn’t seen him in nearly three years, since she graduated from Coruscant high.

_In the midnight hour_   
_She cried more, more, more_   
_With a rebel yell_   
_She cried more, more, more_

Rey paused for a moment, watching him from a distance. The old yearning came back, unbidden. She remembered those endless hours of sitting in his classroom, thinking about him, wanting him. She would release the tension of her desire at night with her hand between her legs, imagining him kissing her, touching her _everywhere._

Mr. Solo had known she had a crush on him, but he never did anything about it, never took advantage. He was a _decent_ man, a good man: thoughtful, ethical, kind. And that fact only made her want him more.

Rey snapped back to the present and sauntered up behind him, thinking about what to say. She had to say _something._ She was so different now—older, wiser. Not so innocent anymore. 

Not a virgin anymore. 

She stood behind just behind him, waiting, hoping that he would turn and see her.

_What set you free_   
_And brought you to me, babe?_   
_What set you free_

_I need you here by me_

She was less than a foot away when he turned and started to empty his basket, looking down, not seeing her. Her eyes crawled over the familiar profile, hungry, and her heart started to race. Finally, he looked up and did a double take, and a sweet smile tugged at his lips.

“Rey?” His brow crinkled just a bit. “Is that _you?_ ”

She swallowed hard and slid the headphones off. 

"Hi, Mr. Solo. Ben, I mean." She gave him a shy smile. 

“My gosh, you look _so...mature._ Are you in college now?”

“Yep, I’m at SUNY Binghamton. Just got home for winter break."

His eyebrows skated up. “Yeah? Binghamton's a good school. You like it?"

Rey shrugged, feeling as tongue-tied as ever in his presence. That, unfortunately, had not changed. "It's okay."

“What year are you?”

“I’m a junior.”

After he paid, he stood for a moment facing her, the bag tucked under his arm. Her eyes flashed to his hands. How many times had she imagined him cradling her head in those hands--having him hold her, stroke her with those strong hands, those thick fingers?.

“Well, it's great seeing you. Say hi to Maz for me. And Merry Christmas, Rey."

She sighed. “You too, Ben.”

“Hey, drop by my office sometime, if you get the chance.” He smiled innocently. “We’ll catch up."

Rey bit her lip and nodded. “Sure.”

Her eyes followed him out of the store as the cashier rang her up.

_Stop by my office._

She thought she just might do that.

++

As Ben walked down the street back to his apartment, his tranquil mood of the morning was in shambles. Why did he suddenly feel so _unsettled_ after running into Rey? She was just a kid, just another student from his history class. There had been other girls in his class who had crushes on him, and he had never, _would_ never take advantage. Yet for some ungodly reason, he felt a nagging sense of guilt at the moment.

Rey had been his greatest temptation. He never quite understood what made her so special, he only knew she was. Maybe it was because she was so pure, so unaffected. He’d always felt protective of her, as he would with any student, only with Rey much more so. In his mind, her sweet innocence shone like a halo, and her inability to conceal how she felt about him was testament to that.

He wondered if she was still a virgin, and immediately chided himself for thinking it.

But she wasn’t a little girl anymore. It was okay to wonder, he told himself. The passing thought was harmless.

He tried to silence the small, dark voice in back of his head that seemed to be laughing. 

_What if it 's not just a passing thought?_

++

Rey was unpacking the groceries distractedly when Maz came in. Her head was full of Ben Solo--the way his eyes, the color of dark honey, seemed to burrow  
right into her. Suddenly, she was fifteen years old again, smiling up at him when he passed by her desk in class. Memories flooded back: his unexpected arrival at her sixteenth birthday party, where he unceremoniously gifted her with the sterling silver _R_ necklace....and when he let her kiss him, right there on Maz's couch. She’d worn the necklace for years afterwards, before finally retiring it to the box that held her few prized possessions. Her fingers went up, unconsciously, to her bare neck, and she wished she had been wearing it in the store. 

“Rey, did you get everything?” Maz asked behind her. She’d never even heard her come in. 

  
“Uh huh,” Rey murmured.

  
“Even my Grand Marnier?”

  
“Oh…shit, no. Sorry, I’ll go back out.”

  
Maz gave a little shrug. “Don’t worry about it right now, but If you want me to make the spice cake, I need it. Tell Hux it's for me, if he makes a fuss about your ID."

  
“Okay, okay,” Rey returned. She didn’t want to think about anything other than Ben at the moment.

Maz frowned. “What’s on your mind?”

  
“Nothing really, I just saw Mr. Solo…. _Ben,_ in Galaxy.”

  
“Ahh,” Maz nodded. “Yes. I’ve run into him on occasion when I’m in there. He always asks about you.”

  
Rey’s eyes widened. “Really? You never told me that.”

  
“It’s just something people do. You know, polite conversation.”

  
“Hmm. He said I should stop by the school and say hi.”

  
“Yes, well the school is closed until the fifth, of course, although some teachers do go in for meetings and what not. You’d better check in advance.”

Rey nodded. “I will.”

  
“Did you want to start creaming the butter and sugar? If we have a nice assortment of cookies you can make up a little tin and bring some for Ben.”

  
Rey’s eyes lit up. “Great idea.” 

  
“And I think,” Maz said slowly, “but I’m not sure, that Bazine might have moved in with him. “

  
Rey’s face darkened. “Miss _Netal?_ ” She squeaked in disapproval.

“Oh yes,” Maz continued. “They’ve been seeing quite a bit of each other over the past several months. Not sure if they’ve made it official, but—”

  
“No,” Rey pouted. 

  
Maz was startled. “What do you mean, _'no'?"_

  
“She’s—she’s all _wrong_ for him,” she huffed, her face like a thundercloud.

  
Maz laughed lightly. “Rey, that’s silly. They’re both teachers, and apparently they have some shared interests so—”

  
Rey shook her head defiantly, her mouth set in a tight line. “It’s not _right._ They're not right together."

  
“I know you had a crush on him, Rey. But that was years ago, and you were still a child. Ben and Bazine—”

  
“I’m _not_ a child, Maz. I’m twenty. I'll be twenty-one in a couple of months."

“I didn’t say you were, Rey. You’re going to have to accept the fact that—”

  
Rey stormed off, snatching up her Walkman up as she went, slamming her bedroom door behind her.

In her room, Rey dug through her dresser drawers and finally found what she was looking for: the battered cigar box that served as her jewelry case. There wasn't much in it: a gold locket that held a photo of her parents....her high school graduation ring...a pair of tiny diamond studs that Maz had given her for her eighteenth birthday, and the silver R. She pulled it out by it's delicate chain and slipped it around her neck. Looking at herself in the mirror, she smiled. She would go visit Ben, and she'd bring him some cookies. After all, he'd invited her. 

_We'll catch up._

Yes, she thought. We will. 

Rey would show him how much she had matured over the past few years. 

She sighed. Bazine wasn't right for him. Ben should be _her_ man, and she was going to prove it. 


	2. Lamb No More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey catches Ben off guard when she drops by his classroom unannounced.
> 
> This chapter turned out to be super short, but it's a set up for what happens next and the following one will be a lot more complex. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I love myself  
> I want you to love me  
> When I feel down  
> I want you above me  
> I search myself  
> I want you to find me  
> I forget myself  
> I want you to remind me
> 
> I don't want anybody else  
> When I think about you  
> I touch myself
> 
> Oh, I don't want anybody else  
> Oh no, oh no, oh no..."

It was just before noon on the 23rd, two days before Christmas, and Ben was reviewing his schedule for the upcoming weeks. He had promised Baz that they would get away somewhere together between Christmas and New Year’s, but he couldn’t seem to decide where they should go. He wanted it to be something relatively simple —maybe Mohegan Sun in Connecticut for a few days. He knew she liked to gamble, and he’d be able to swim in the pool and sleep late, which was really all he wanted to do. That was what vacations were for, as far as Ben was concerned. He would have been happy to just stay at home, but Bazine had been whining and he _hated_ that.

He picked up his coffee cup and was dismayed to find it empty. With a sigh, he rose from the chair and headed back to the main office. He’d just pop in for a refill and pick up his mail. There wasn't much of a reason to stick around, and hardly anyone was in the building anyway.

As he exited his room and turned down the hallway, he saw a familiar figure strolling towards him. As she got closer, he drew in a sharp breath, realizing she had to be here to see _him_. She wore her usual jeans and sneakers and was carrying a small shopping bag; her soft brown waves were loose and messy and unbelievably sexy.

“Hi Rey,” he greeted, trying to downplay his surprise. “Fancy meeting you here.”

She laughed and tilted her head coquettishly. “Hi, Ben. You said I should stop by, remember?”

“I did indeed, but I didn’t think you’d come by so soon.”

Her eyes widened. “Is it a bad time?”

“No, it's fine. I’m not going to be here long, just came in to go over a few things. We can go sit and talk if you like. I just need to run into the office for a sec. Would you like some coffee?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.”

"Okay. I'll just be a sec."

She stood in the hallway waiting, and he was back in a flash.  
.  
“There, that’s better. Needed my daily ration of caffeine."

Rey smiled broadly--a little _too_ broadly, he thought--and they started moving back down the hall.

“So, Rey. Are you all ready for Christmas?”

“Yeah, I guess. It was more fun when I was a kid.”

Ben chuckled. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

“So... you don’t have any kids, do you?”

He glanced at her. “Nope, I wasn’t that lucky.”

Her gaze was unflinching. “And you were never married, right?”

"No."

As they arrived at the classroom door, he gestured for her to enter before him. She picked up a chair and dragged it beside his desk.

There was a brief, awkward silence as they both sat and looked at each other. Then Ben spotted the necklace and smiled.

“I see you're wearing your ‘R”.”

She reached up, as if to confirm that it was there.

“Yes, I love it," she said softly, eyes shining.

“I’m glad.” He cleared his throat and took a sip of coffee. He was feeling just the slightest bit of apprehension, sitting so close to her.

“I brought you some Christmas cookies,” she chirped, pulling the foil-covered tin from her bag.

Ben's face flashed his pleasant surprise. “Oh, how thoughtful, Rey. Thank you.”

She popped open the lid and showed him.

“Whoa, those look good.” She watched him reach in and select a sugar cookie with those large, eloquent hands and bring it to that delicious mouth. Rey found herself salivating, but she knew it wasn’t because of the cookie.

Ben grunted his pleasure and Rey felt a surge of pride go through her as she watched him chew.

“Mmm, yummy.”

She smiled. “Do you remember my birthday party?”

He met her eyes and nodded slowly. “I do.”

“Remember how you brought me my present, and then…..I kissed you?”

Ben swallowed heavily and gave a slight nod.

“And you said _we....couldn’t…?_ Well, Ben…I’m not sixteen anymore."

The implication hit him right in the gut, and he felt his throat tighten.

“I know that, Rey. You’ve turned into a lovely, poised young woman.”

She lowered her eyes for a moment, and when she lifted them, he could see that her pupils were blown.

“Would you kiss me, Ben? I’d really like it if you did.”

He was taken aback by her frankness.

“I-I….” he huffed, suddenly flustered. “Rey, I’m seeing someone.”

“Oh,” she said, her face etched with disappointment. “Is it serious?”

Ben hesitated. “I guess you could say, it’s.... _getting_ serious, yes."

“Who is it?”

"Do you remember Miss Netal, the French teacher?”

Rey’s eyes narrowed a bit.“Uh huh. Really?” she frowned. “She’s much younger than you, isn’t she?”

Ben couldn’t help but laugh outright at the irony of her question. His collar was starting to feel a bit too tight. So was the crotch of his jeans.

“Well, she is a few years younger, yes.”

Rey's gaze was positively ferocious. “And how old are _you_ , Ben?”

He raised his eyebrows. “I’m thirty-two, Rey.”

A slow, seductive smile formed on her lips.

“Perfect. I _like_ older men,’ she said softly.

Oh boy, was he _fucked._

  
His mouth was dry, and he shifted uncomfortably. "Surely, you must have a boyfriend at school," he tried. "Or someone you like?"

"I like you," she said flatly. _"A lot."_

He gave a shuddery sigh. “Umm, I think we’re going to have to curtail this conver—”

“I know you think of me as a little girl, Ben, but I’m not. Since I’ve been away at college, I’ve learned some things.” She bit her lip. “I’m not a virgin anymore, either.”

_SOOO fucked._

Ben struggled to keep his head. “Rey, I…I don’t think this is an appropriate conversation for us to be having.”

She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Why not? I’m of legal age. I’m not your student anymore…”

“Yes, that’s true. But Miss Netal wouldn’t appreciate it.”

Rey leaned closer. “Do you love her?”

His breath hitched. He wasn’t even sure of the answer, but he immediately realized that either way, his answer could get him into trouble.

“I don’t think that’s your business,” he said slowly.

“Oh,” she said, sitting back in her chair, the intensity of her gaze unwavering. 

"Does Miss Netal like to suck your cock?"

_FUCKED, completely and absolutely._

At this point, he was too turned on to even be shocked. But the rawness of her language, from those sweet lips, was completely unexpected.

 _“What_ ….did you say?”

The wicked smile was back. “I know how to suck cock, Ben. And I’d love to suck yours.”

He was ready to slide off his chair onto the floor.

“Rey.” He managed, his tongue thick in his mouth. "Don’t…”

Her large hazel eyes widened. “Don’t _what?_ Suck your cock? But you might _like_ it,” she teased, flashing her dimples.

_Ben knew full well she was right. He would like it. A lot._

Rey’s eyes dipped to his crotch where his growing erection was making a dent, and he shifted again in his chair.

“Listen, Rey. I’ve--gotta go. And...you should too.”

She pouted. “But Ben, don’t you want me to make you feel _good_? I can, you know."

He leapt from his chair like a snake had bitten his ass. “Let’s go, let’s go….we’re done here.”

She rose slowly, disappointment in her eyes.

“ _Please_ go,” he said hoarsely.

Rey bit her lip. “Can I tell you one more thing?”

_Oh, no…no more._

He shook his head. "Please, Rey."

“I think about you when I touch myself," she breathed secretively.

_Oh, god._

He closed his eyes and bit back a groan.

She turned at the door and gave him a knowing smile. 

"Have a great Christmas, Ben," she said softly. "I'll see you around."

The minute she left, he palmed himself in a desperate attempt to release some of the pressure. He was painfully hard, and he needed to take care of it _now._

.But at least he had the wherewithal to get to the bathroom first.

He felt ridiculous, out of control, like a teenager. But he needed to just _do it._

Ben locked the door of the stall, and fumbled with belt and zipper. His cock was aching, and he closed his eyes, picturing her as he stroked himself frantically.

_I'd love to suck yours._

The image of her pretty, pink lips wrapped around his length was just too much. His climax came quickly, almost embarrassingly so. But shit, it was a _relief._

He took a moment to clean himself up before exiting the bathroom. Thank fuck no one was around.

Now, he'd have to figure out how to handle a weekend with Bazine, when he'd likely be thinking about Rey the whole time.

_What was she doing to him?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I Touch Myself," Divinyls. DiVINYLS, Virgin Records, 1991.
> 
> I hope y'all are ready for things to get darker...much darker. In Chap. 3.


	3. When I think about you....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben struggles to process his "moment" with Rey and what it means. 
> 
> Meanwhile, Rey makes plans to gift her competition with a special something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I am sixteen going on seventeen  
> Innocent as a rose  
> Bachelor dandies, drinkers of brandies  
> What do I know of those?
> 
> Totally unprepared am I  
> To face the world of men  
> Timid and shy and scared am I  
> Of things beyond my ken…."

Once she had left Ben’s classroom—after giving him just a taste of how different she was from the last time he saw her—Rey thought over her next move. By the time she made it home, she knew what she was going to do.

  
Maz wasn’t home yet, so she pulled out a container of leftover Chinese noodles for lunch. She forked the noodles into her mouth as she flipped through a current phone book, looking for the home address of one Bazine Netal.

The name was unusual enough that she had no trouble finding it. She didn’t live far, less than half a mile from Maz, as a matter of fact.

Rey smiled to herself. She had a plan.

Even if Ben didn’t realize it yet, Rey knew they were meant to be together. And once Bazine was out of the picture, it would be that much clearer to him. And then, it could finally happen--they could be together.

She was starting to feel more into the Christmas spirit already. As she went about straightening up her room, she sang "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing."

++

Ben was just entering his apartment when the phone started to ring. He was pretty sure he knew who it was as he raced into the bedroom and snatched the phone from its cradle.

  
“Hello?”

“Hi, sweetie,” Bazine’s mousy voice drifted through the earpiece. “I just wanted to make sure you were home already before I headed over. I’m going to bring over some of my old decorations so we can trim the tree!”

Ben sighed. “Baz, I’m sorry,” he started. “It’s really not a good night after all. I—I have some grading to take care of, and I’d really like to get it out of the way.”

 _“Tonight_? It can wait, can’t it?” she made no attempt to hide her disappointment, and it made him feel even worse. 

He cleared his throat. “Also, my throat’s a little scratchy. I want to make sure I’m not coming down with something cause I’d hate to pass it on to you.” He dug his thumbnail into his palm as he pushed out the fib.

“Oh, honey okay. You sure you don’t want me to come over and take care of you?”

Ben practically rolled his eyes at the suggestion.

“I’m _fine,_ ” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Come over early, okay?”

“All right then, tomorrow. Feel better, hon."

“Yeah,” he muttered. “Call before you come over, okay? Bye."

Ben cringed inwardly.

_Since when did you get so good at lying to your girlfriend, Solo?_

It wasn’t cool and he knew it. But he just couldn’t stand the idea of being around her this afternoon. He needed to process what took place with Rey in his classroom. Why had she come at him like that? She certainly wasn’t the same sweet, innocent little thing she had been in his junior year class. But she was fifteen-going-on-sixteen then; she was a woman now.

_I like older men._

Ben swore under his breath and started pacing the room. He did the math in his head and figured she had to be twenty now, going on twenty-one. Yes, she was legal, but she was still so much younger than him, and she was a former _student_ for chrissake, who looked up to him, and there was Baz to think about.

_I know how to suck cock, Ben. I’d love to suck yours._

He let out a groan, loud and wanton as her words replayed themselves in his head, bringing up pictures of her soft, pink lips wrapped around the head of his dick. He found himself stiffening in his pants for the second time in as many hours and he palmed himself. _Fuck._ He’d just have to take care of it and do his best not to think about her. 

But that second part, that....just didn't seem possible right now. 

What would Maz say, if she knew how Rey was behaving? If she knew the thoughts that were going through his head right now? Jesus... he had one wild moment when he thought about telling Maz--maybe she should know. Maybe she could get Rey to _cease and desist._

But immediately after thinking it, he chided himself. It wouldn't be right-he wasn't a _narc._ Rey didn't mean any harm. She couldn't help it if she had a crush on him. And truth be told....he'd had somewhat of a crush on her as well, even though he had never admitted it to himself. Not when she was sixteen. 

There was no need to get her into trouble--or himself--by mentioning it. 

_I think about you when I touch myself._

Ben stopped pacing and let himself collapse across his bed. He lay back and looked up at the ceiling, squeezing himself through his jeans and wishing his hard-on would just _go away, damnit_. His mind was racing with images of Rey spread out on her back, just like he was now, fucking herself on those delicate fingers while little girlish whimpers and moans came from those sweet lips. Maybe she'd even call his name. 

Oh, for _fuck's sake. What was happening to him?!?_

He swallowed hard at the image, closing his eyes tight as he yanked at his zipper and got his hands around his cock, aching again, how could he be _this hard?_ As he started to fuck his fist more obscene pictures floated through his head…Rey with her legs wrapped around his neck, crying out for him to give her _more, more, more,_ as he lapped at her pussy.

He'd need to get this out of his system before spending time with Baz.

++

Rey sat looking through one of her school notebooks idly as she waited for the spice cake to cool on the rack. She hummed to herself, thinking it wouldn’t be long now. She’d be able to walk over to Miss Netal’s apartment—how lucky was that?

Presently, there was the trill of the kitchen phone and she went to pick it up.

  
“Hello.”

  
“Hey,” said a male voice. “Is that you, Rey?”

  
_Jason._

  
He had barely crossed her mind since that first day when she ran into Ben in the store. After seeing Ben, he was all she could think about. Compared to Ben, Jason was nothing—just a kid, and not that smart. Nowhere near as beautiful as Ben. Not as kind, not as gentle...and there were times when she wished he would be more respectful. 

He was nothing like Ben. The more she thought about it, Jason didn't amount to much more than a worm that might crawl in front of Ben and be smushed under his boot. 

She thought Ben was _perfect._ He would take care of her, love her. He’d give her what she needed in every way that Jason could not.

Rey sighed into the phone. “Oh, hey,” she said, sounding bored.

  
Jason’s voice pitched itself higher at her apparent disinterest. "Hey, is everything _okay?"_

“Mmmhh. Just busy.” She glanced over at the cake and touched it lightly. “I have to go out soon.”

  
“Oh? Well, you could always call me back later, huh?” 

Rey shrugged and made a dismissive noise. Jason’s rising agitation was starting to show. 

“I’ve missed you,” he said. “Did you miss me?”

  
Rey rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I guess. Whatever. Listen, it's not going to work out between us. I’ve…reconnected with someone back here, so....it's over."

  
She heard his sharp intake of breath and it gave her a rush of satisfaction. _“Someone?_ You mean, like an old boyfriend?”

  
Rey sniffed. “Something like that. He’s someone I've liked for years, and we couldn't be together before, but....now we can." She smiled. "So there really isn’t any point in us continuing, Jason.”

  
She said it so casually and definitively that Jason felt a wave of nausea sweep over him. This did not sound like the Rey he knew, not at _all._

  
“So…so that’s it?” he huffed. “We’re _over?”_

“Yeah. It’s better this way. I don’t want to lead you on,” she said magnanimously.

  
“Well, fuck,” Jason spat. He couldn’t believe she could just _diss him and dismiss him_ this way. "Didn’t know you were such a _bitch,_ Rey.”

  
Rey chuckled, unperturbed. “Sorry, Jason. Have a nice Christmas.” 

And just like that, she cut the line.

Jason stared at the phone in shock. "Fucking _bitch,"_ he muttered. 

++

  
It was a little after four pm when Rey strolled the seven blocks to Bazine's. It wasn't quite dark yet, but the sun was getting low in the sky and the threat of snow gave the sky an eerie, pinkish tinge. She walked right up to the outer door and rang the bell, not expecting her to be home. After ringing a few more times, Rey waited until someone appeared on his way out--a friendly-looking, middle aged man. He looked her up and down. 

"Excuse me, I'm trying to get into my boyfriend's apartment and I think he fell asleep. Could you let me in?"

The man gave her a little smile and held the door for her.

It was _that_ easy.

Rey walked up the stairs to the fourth floor and down the hall looking for the right apartment. When she found it, she deposited her package right in front.

Wouldn't it be nice for Miss Netal to arrive home before Christmas to find a beautifully wrapped box waiting for her? Rey smiled to herself. The note she attached was written in silver ink--her special pen--and it read: _Merry Christmas, from Your Secret Admirer._

As Rey walked back down the stairs and out the front door, she sighed to herself, feeling like she had accomplished something. She was sure that what she was doing would clear the way for Ben and her to be together. She felt light on her feet, and almost skipped home.

++

By the time she got back home, she was _very_ aroused. She couldn’t stop thinking about how it felt to tease Ben in his classroom, the strange look he got on his face. It was obvious that she had gotten to him, and now she wondered if he might be thinking about her at that very moment. Maybe he had even jerked off, thinking about her; she squeezed her thighs together at the thought.

  
Before Rey settled down in her room and pulled out her vibrator, she needed to do one more thing. She wanted to know if he was home. And if he was, hopefully that Bazine bitch wasn’t with him.

Finding his number was as easy as finding Bazine’s. She dialed and held her breath as she waited for him to pick up; one hand gripped the phone tightly, the other already finding its way under the band of her sweatpants and inside her panties. She was so turned on already, thinking about what Ben could do to her with those big hands--and what she could only imagine was a _really_ big cock--that she was already very wet.  
  
She told herself she would hang up if he answered. She just wanted to know if he was home. And while she was curious if he was alone, it didn’t really matter that much.

  
The phone rang once….twice….and then, just before it went to the machine, he picked up. 

One finger was pressing against her clit and the moment she heard his deep, sonorous voice, she stilled all movement. 

  
“Hello?" he rumbled into the mouthpiece. 

  
Rey’s breath caught when she heard him. She paused, feeling the tension in his voice as he waited for an answer. Another second went by and she brushed her clit again, just softly. She was right _there,_ almost ready to fall off the edge.

  
The second _“Hello…?”_ was darker and gruffer, and just the sound of his voice almost made her come right then. A tiny little moan slipped out, she couldn’t help it—and then she hung up.

  
The moment the phone was in its cradle, Rey hurried back to her room and threw herself across her bed, one finger working her clit furiously. She reached for the vibe but at that point, she really didn’t need it. 

  
Just the sound of his voice…

  
Those eyes….his lips, that beautiful _mouth_ of his, working on her pussy….

  
It was a good thing no one else was in the apartment. Rey was keening, babbling Ben’s name and how she wanted him to fuck her. She pictured him on top, pinning her wrists while he buried himself in her, telling her to _Be Good,_ be a _Good Girl_ for him. 

  
And then she went over the edge, her eyes rolling back in her head and nearly blacking out from the force of it as her whole body shook. 

Less than half a mile away, in his own apartment, Ben had hung up the phone and was sitting with a confused look on his face. 

He had heard…something. _A moan,_ is what it sounded like. Soft and muted, but definitely a moan.

  
_Rey?_

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sixteen Going on Seventeen," Rogers & Hammerstein. The Sound of Music (original soundtrack), 1959


	4. Criminal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's Christmas Eve, and Ben is completely preoccupied with thoughts of Rey. 
> 
> Bazine shows up at his apartment with an unexpected surprise from a "Secret Admirer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What I need is a good defense  
> Cause i'm feeling like a criminal  
> And I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against  
> Cause he's all I ever knew of love"

Ben slept fitfully that night, tormented by visions of Rey. She floated in and out of his dreams like a siren, reaching through time and space to touch him, to torture him with the ache of wanting.

Early in the morning, he slipped into an extremely vivid dream; she was kneeling before him, dressed like Madonna in the "Borderline" video. (He remembered the outfit she had on at her sweet 16, which was clearly modelled to look just like Madonna's.) Looking up at him through her lashes, she reached out to cup his crotch through his pants.

 _“Can I?_ ” she asked, more like pleaded. “I’d _really_ like to.”

He jerked awake, hard as a rock now, throbbing, and immediately started to fist himself. For the third time in two days. _Jesus._

Bazine would be over later this morning. Maybe having her there would distract him. Maybe she would help relieve some of the insane sexual energy that was vibrating through his body.

At least that was what he was hoping. 

Ben rose and went to the shower. Once he was clean and dressed, he drifted out to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. He looked regretfully over at the Christmas tree Baz had chosen. It was really too big, and had been overpriced, a prized blue pine. It was a lovely tree, but it suddenly felt so.... _unnecessary._

I was nearly eleven when Bazine rang his bell. Ben was puttering around his kitchen, coffee cup in hand, brimming with nervous, horny energy. He _needed_ to have sex, and he needed it five minutes ago.

He wrenched the door open to her smiling face. “Hi hon, Merry Christmas!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah. Christmas is _tomorrow,_ ” he grumped.

Bazine pouted, mocking his attitude. That’s when he noted the box under her arm. It was wrapped in cheap gift-wrapping paper, red, gold and green with Merry Christmas scrolled in random places. He watched as she set it down on the kitchen table with a flourish.

“So guess what,” she breezed.

“Hmmph?” He was sullen and still with the demeanor of a grizzly bear before it attacks. 

“What’s wrong? Not feeling good?" she guessed.

Ben frowned. He was suddenly and completely aware of just how shitty a mood he was in, on Christmas Eve. And of course, Baz was expecting him to be all cheerful.

He had the feeling that this day was not going to go well. Not at all. 

“I feel _fine,_ ” he said darkly. “What is it?”

“Well, someone left this on my doorstep,” she announced, her voice sing-songy. “Apparently, I have a secret admirer.”

He stared at her for a long moment. “Secret _admirer?”_

That was when she pulled the little handwritten card from her coat pocket and showed it to Ben. He read it, still frowning. Something didn’t feel _right._

“So, you better watch your P’s and Q’s, mister,” she teased. “Unless you actually left it? If so, come on, fess up.”

Ben continued to stare at her. “I didn’t leave it. Who do you know that might leave something like this for you?” He paused. “A student, maybe?’

Over the years, both of them had experienced periodic student crushes. It was just the way it went, when you were a youngish, attractive teacher: students would inevitably develop crushes. Of course, Rey was Ben’s most significant crush, but Bazine knew nothing about it. And that was probably for the best. 

She shrugged. “No idea. But I’m opening it,” she grinned.

Ben stiffened a bit but said nothing, knowing that she’d insist on it anyway. He watched her unwrap the paper and unveil a medium-sized cardboard box. Inside the box was what looked like a cake of some kind, wrapped in cellophane.

“Hmm, this looks good,” Bazine cooed.

Ben wasn’t so sure.

She pulled the plastic off and looked at him expectantly. “I need a knife,” she said.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea," Ben protested. "You don't know where that came from….”

Baz huffed. He sighed and produced one for her from the kitchen drawer. She cut herself a thin slice of the cake and slipped it into her mouth. Ben watched her face intently as she chewed.

“Mmmm, this is _good_ ,” she said dreamily. "You should try it."

Ben held up his hand. “No thanks.”

His eyes flew back to the table, where the handwritten note sat. Something about it was vaguely familiar.

He moved closer, eyeing the note carefully. “Baz, stop. Don’t eat that.”

“Why on earth not?” she frowned.

“Well, you don’t know what’s _in_ it.”

"If it’s from someone who admires me, then do you really think they’re going to put something bad in it? I mean, come on, Ben. Get off it,” she said, shaking her head. “Maybe you’re just jealous.”

Ben scrubbed a hand down his face. Sometimes it boggled his mind that she could be so _obtuse._ Besides, jealousy was the _last thing_ on his mind at the moment.

“Suit yourself," he said. " But if it’s okay with you, I really need to fuck you. Like, now.”

Bazine looked at him quizzically, her pretty mouth twisted.

"I just got here,” she said after swallowing her mouthful of cake. “It’s the middle of the day.”

Ben openly rolled his eyes. “So what? Is there a problem with having sex in the middle of the day? You’re not at _work_ , are you?”

Her brow quirked defensively. “I….I thought we were going to decorate the tree.”

Jesus, Baz. Way to show you _want me,_ he thought. 

"If you don't want to fuck, I'd settle for you taking me down your throat. I'd be quite happy with that." 

It was a challenge. Bazine rarely gave him head, and when she did, it was pretty clear that she didn’t really _enjoy_ doing it. 

She shrank away from him like he’d slapped her. “Ben, why are you being so crude?”

He sighed. “I don’t mean to be. It’s just that I’m… really horny. You know what that’s like, don’t you, Baz?” His laughter had an angry edge to it.

"I don't think I like this side of you," she said slowly.

That was it; he was overcome with frustration then. Obviously, she wasn’t into it. 

_But he knew someone else who would be._

“You know what? Forget it," he huffed. "Let’s just decorate the goddamn tree, okay?” 

++

Rey was not enjoying her Christmas Eve either. She had no one to hang out with; Rose, Finn and Jannah were all busy with family stuff. She knew that Maz was working at the library and would expect her to go to Christmas Eve services with her, get a bite before. But Rey really wasn't in the mood for any of that. She dragged around the apartment, watching Mtv, trying to concentrate on the book she needed to finish for her English class, and…thinking about Ben.

Well, if she was honest with herself, thinking about Ben was _mostly_ what she was doing. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since she ran into him in the store two days earlier. And she had taken him up on his offer to drop by, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically, but once she was in his classroom with him, it seemed like she lost control. She hadn’t planned to say the things she said; they just came out. It was the effect he had on her. 

And since then, he had not left her mind. It felt like she had started down a path that was completely foreign, but as if she was being led by something—a force, an understanding that she would have to do certain things to get what she wanted—who she wanted. 

And Ben was all she wanted.

++

Ben’s mood had not improved much. He and Baz had just finished the tree, something she seemed quite pleased with, but he didn’t seem to be able to muster the interest. A good part of it came from all the unexpressed energy that he’d been holding in his body, his groin---most of the day. 

It had not gone away, and he found himself still thinking of Rey, almost constantly. He remembered her facial expression in class once, when he’d said something that made the whole class bust out in laughter. The way her face had broken into brilliant, sunny joy—that look, the sheer abandon of it, returned to him, and he found himself yearning to see that look on her face again.

Ben honestly did not know a great deal about who she was, or about her childhood, but he did know that she had been separated from her birth parents at eight and had been raised by a foster father who was far from a model of decency. Unkar Plutt had shown up once to a parent-teacher meeting, the first semester he had worked with Rey, and his main concern was to know what she had done wrong.

He remembered feeling angry at the man’s attitude, and his implication that Rey was somehow undeserving of trust and support, of praise. Because while she was his student, all Ben saw was an earnest desire to do well, to be appreciated, to be _good._

He could imagine her lying beneath him, begging for his affection, his love, his cock. And she would be such a _good girl_ for him, wouldn’t she? 

He knew she would. 

++ 

Nearly two hours later, the tree was trimmed and the lights were up. There was soft Christmas music on the stereo, and Bazine was already talking about ordering in some pizza, or Chinese food, so they could spend the rest of the evening snuggled on the couch.

But Ben really didn’t want to snuggle on the couch right now. He had things he needed to get out of his system. He was sitting on the couch, glaring at the tv and trying to figure out how to express to Bazine just what it was he needed, when he heard her groan.

“Uhh, baby…I….I don’t feel so hot,” she said. 

He looked over at her; her complexion was nearly white, and there was a light sweat breaking out.

“What’s wrong, Baz?”

“My….my _stomach,_ ” she muttered, before jumping up and dashing off to the bathroom.

Ben sat there puzzled, as he refocused his attention on the present. Hmm. Maybe she caught a bug from one of her students, or….maybe it was the cake…

He had warned her. Of course, she didn’t listen, and that wasn’t _his fault._ But he felt a lingering sense of guilt nevertheless.

Nearly ten minutes later, Bazine emerged from his bathroom, a sickly green tinge to her skin. 

“Babe….I don’t know what’s causing it, but I feel _really_ sick,” she breathed. "And also, I have the..... runs."

Ben snapped into caring boyfriend mode. 

“Hey….hey, lie down on the couch, okay? I’ll bring you some water.” 

While Bazine complied, he dashed off to the kitchen to get her water. Standing there, staring into space as the glass filled, he realized: he knew. 

_He knew._

It was Rey. She had left the cake. 

He hoped against hope that there was nothing in it that would make Baz so sick she would need to go into the hospital, but still….

Before he carried the glass out to his girlfriend, he made a decision. 

He wasn’t going to get Rey into trouble. He thought he knew what she was feeling because he was feeling it, too. 

Ben would do what he could to get Baz help, but he could also sense that this was leading to the end of one thing…..and the beginning of something else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Criminal," Fiona Apple. Tidal, 1996


	5. Crazy in Love

Bazine had been dozing on the couch for awhile. Ben sat in his favorite chair, chewing his fingernails, a bad habit that tended to resurface during times of stress and anxiety. He stared numbly at the television, hoping she would wake up soon but knowing it was better to let her rest.

She finally opened her eyes and looked warily at him.

He got to his feet right away and put a hand to her forehead.

“Hey. How do you feel?”

“I little better, I guess. Not sure.” She narrowed her eyes at him a bit and licked her lips.

“I can make you some soup,” he offered. “Or something else?”

“No, I don’t…don’t think I can eat,” she said, slowly sitting up.

Ben’s throat bobbed as he watched her and waited.

Bazine stared at him for a long moment. “How did you know?”

Ben raised his eyebrows. “How did I know _what?”_

“That the cake was poisoned.”

“Wait, let’s not jump to conclusions,” he huffed. “First of all, we don’t know that it was _poisoned—”_

“Whatever, Ben. You knew something…”

“No, I didn’t,” he said flatly. “It was just a guess. I mean, most people would hesitate before eating food left on the doorstep by God knows who. Don’t you think? Even if it says 'Secret Admirer.' And I _don’t_ appreciate the implication," he snarled. 

Bazine pinched the bridge of her nose. “This day has not gone the way I thought it would. With your attitude, and now my stomach, I think I should just go home.”

Ben gave a little shrug. No sense in trying to change her mind. It was probably for the best.

“Okay. Get your things and I’ll bring you home. Do you want me to run you by the ER?”

She grimaced. “Christmas Eve in the ER is the last place I want to be. I think I’ll ride it out and see if gets better on its own.”

Ben nodded. He really did feel the need to be alone.

++

Rey was still moping around the apartment at nine-thirty when Maz came into the living room.

“I’m heading out to the candlelight service. You sure you don’t want to go?”

Rey shook her head.

“You’ve always loved that service, Rey. Are you upset about something?” Maz reached over to stroke her hair soothingly. “Not boy troubles, I hope?”

Rey rolled her eyes. “No.”

Ben wasn’t a boy.

“Did something happen with Jason?” Maz pressed.

She huffed dismissively. “Oh, Jason. I broke up with him.”

“Really? When?”

“Yesterday.” She held Maz’s eyes, noting her shock. “It’s really not a big deal,” she said.

Maz was not about to let her off so easily. “Why did you do that? I thought you liked him.”

Rey shrugged, avoiding her eyes. “It…just wasn’t going anywhere.”

Maz nodded slowly. “I see. Well, if you don’t wish to talk about it, that’s okay. But just know that I’m here for you. You could have waited until after Christmas, though. That would have been a little kinder.”

Rey clicked through the channels with the remote, her eyes straight ahead.

“All right, Rey. I’ll be home late. See you in the morning.” She went to kiss Rey on the forehead. “No snooping.” She smiled.

Rey sighed, glancing at the clock. It was going to be a long night.

++

Ben was home, also sulking, sitting in the dark in front of the tv. The soft multicolored lights from the Christmas tree mocked him.

He sighed. This was going to be a shit Christmas.

Too bad. He had hoped this year would be better than the last several when he was still single. It would have been nice to spend the day with someone for a change. Bazine had invited him to have dinner with his family, and that would have been a pleasant change, or so he imagined. But it didn’t seem like that would happen, with her feeling sick and the tension between them. And while he knew he could always show up at his mother’s place, the thought of miring himself in the inevitable tensions that would surface just didn’t appeal to him.

It looked like it would be another Christmas with Chinese food and old movies. Alone.

Ben glanced at the clock, wondering what Rey was doing at that moment. And then, as if on autopilot, he rose and went to pick up the phone.

It was unlikely that Maz would be home, because he knew she liked to attend Christmas Eve services. And Rey might be with her. But maybe not.

He quickly checked his address book and, before he could stop himself, he was punching Maz’s number into the keypad. He was too _curious,_ too _hungry._

She probably wasn’t there. And if she was, she might not even pick up.

His body was completely tensed, nearly quaking with arousal, as he waited.

She picked up on the second ring.

“Hello?” her sweet voice rang out.

Ben closed his eyes: “Rey.” Her name was like a prayer on his lips. 

He heard the catch in her voice. “ _Ben?”_

“Yeah,” he whispered, a beat late. Hearing her speak, he was somehow at a loss for words.

“I was hoping you’d call,” she said. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

“I’ve been thinking about you too,” he admitted.

“You have?”

The rush of excitement in her voice pushed into his chest and squeezed his heart.

“Yes. Rey, listen. You need to tell me…..did you leave that cake for Ms. Netal?”

Silence.

Ben waited. _Silence gives consent,_ he thought.

“Rey…”

“She’ll be okay,” she blurted.

He let out a shaky breath, clawing his hands back through his hair. “Jesus, Rey. What’s in it?”

“It’s just a laxative,” she said, suddenly awash in shame. “How...how did you know?” she asked. 

He paused. “I didn’t, at first. Until I got a closer look at the note…..and started replaying things in my head. What you said to me, the other day.”

“It’s true,” she said. She was quiet for a long moment. “I want you, Ben. I love you.”

He nearly dropped the receiver. “Rey,” he started. “You _can’t_ ….You don’t know-"

“Don’t tell me what I feel, Ben. You still think I’m a _little girl.”_

“No,” he said truthfully. “I don’t.”

“Is she there? Ms. Netal?"

“No. She was, but she went home.” He let his big body sink down into the couch. 

“Invite me over, Ben.” Her voice was soft, thoughtful. Almost pleading.

He covered his mouth with his hand. He wanted to, _God_ _he wanted to._

“It’s not a—a good idea."

“But why?” she cried, her voice laden with desperation.

Ben searched for an answer that would deter her, and he came up empty handed.

“It’s….just not,” he sighed.

“Well, invite me over, and we can just talk,” she offered, her voice hopeful.

“Rey. We both know that if you come over here, we’re going to do _more_ than just talk.”

  
Her heart leapt into her throat. “So, you _do_ want me?” she breathed.

“I do. And I’ll probably go to hell for it, but—”

“Ben, don’t say that. Why would you say that?”

“Rey….I’m going to hang up now.”

“No, please. Ben, invite me over. I’ll….be _good for you_ , I promise.”

A dark, dangerous tone stole into her voice, normally so sweet and girlish. And he was almost instantly hard again, just like that.

He steeled himself. “Good night, Rey,” he growled and hung up.

After their call, Rey's body was positively vibrating with excitement. He admitted it: he wanted her. Finally....she would go to him, and they would be together. 

She could tell he wasn’t ready to surrender yet, but she knew she could get him there. One way or another. 

++

  
It was a sleepless night for both of them. 

Ben lay awake for much of the night, his skin prickling with an unnamed anticipation. He thought of how exciting Christmas Eve used to be when he was a kid, the irrepressible excitement in the air. He had always loved the Christmas music, the crisp scent of pine that permeated their home when his parents brought home the freshly cut tree. He loved how people were warmer, cheerier and generally more optimistic around the holidays. More patient….more _forgiving._

It wasn’t the same when he was older. 

In the earliest years of his childhood, Ben had both of his parents around for Christmas. But that all changed around the time he was eleven, and he saw his father less and less. He knew his younger self had been looking for something in Snoke when he started working for him at the store. And then Snoke completely turned it against him. But he pushed that thought out of his head. He was alive, now; Snoke was dead. And he was still alone, but he knew what he wanted now, even if it scared him to want it-- to want _her_ \--as much as he did.

++

On Christmas morning, Rey lingered in bed later than usual. When Maz went to check in on her, she said she wasn’t feeling well. She didn’t seem feverish, but she complained of discomfort in her tummy and general malaise.

Maz brought her a handful of small gifts to open while she was in bed, and brought her a cup of tea and some French toast. Rey ate a little but turned most of the food away. Afterwards, she lay in bed, reading and half dozing, until nearly 3pm when Maz returned. 

“Aren’t you going to come with me to Amilyn’s?” 

“I don’t think I should,” she said. 

Maz frowned. "This isn't like you, Rey. No evening service and now this? Are you sure you want to spend Christmas day alone?"

Rey nodded, biting her lip. 

“I don’t know what’s going on, but call if you need anything, okay, pumpkin?”

“I will.”

  
The second Maz was gone, Rey raced to the bathroom. She took a long shower, washed her hair, shaved her legs and thoroughly prepared herself to be naked in front of another person—the one and only person she wanted to see her fully naked, vulnerable self.

++

Ben was again sitting on the couch, with the same attitude as that of the previous evening. 

It was almost four o’clock on Christmas Day, and he was alone. There was a light coating of snow on the ground, and flakes had started to swirl through the air, turning the winter sky a deep, opaque, grey-violet. 

He had been on autopilot for the whole day. Despite showering and putting on a clean t-shirt and sweats, he had barely moved from the couch. He hadn’t bothered to shave and aside from having a bowl of cereal upon waking, hadn’t paid much attention to his hunger. Even now, as his belly was starting to protest his lack of attention more vociferously, the idea of getting up to find food seemed like a huge inconvenience. 

  
Earlier, he had made an attempt to call Bazine, more out of obligation than anything else, and she hadn’t picked up the phone. He figured she’d be okay, though, based on what Rey had told him the night before. 

His hand itched to dial Maz’s number again—to reach out to Rey and invite her, as she wanted him to. He wanted to tell her to _come now._ But he had not allowed himself do it. 

Not yet.

  
_Invite me over, Ben._  
  
The words turned over and over in his head, keeping him oblivious to everything else. The muted strains of “It’s a Wonderful Life” were playing in the background, and it only made him aware of just how _un-wonderful_ his life felt, at the moment. 

And then he heard it--a faint scraping sound…. like fingernails on glass.

He paused, tilting his head to hone in where it was coming from….

His bedroom.

That was insane; Ben lived on the fourth floor.

Before he got to the doorway of his room, he already knew. It had to be her.  


Rey was crouched on Ben’s fire escape. She had made the hazardous climb against all better judgment, in the cold and wet, the falling snow leaving a thin coating on all the stairs and handrails. 

In preparation, she had chosen to wear her most slip-resistant booties, along with thick black tights and a black turtleneck under a black hoodie. Her face was mostly concealed by a red and black scarf, leaving only her eyes exposed. 

Although she normally didn’t wear much makeup, she had lined her eyes carefully in black kohl, her lashes darkened by mascara. She didn’t want Ben to see a little girl; she wanted him to see the older, wiser, more confident Rey--the _woman--she_ had become. 

At least that was what she had in mind as she got ready. Now, standing just outside his window, wet and cold, she was feeling more like an intruder than anything else. She had foregone all attempts to get into the building in a simpler way. After standing in the vestibule for several long minutes and not seeing anyone come or go, she grew impatient. Well, it _was_ Christmas Day, after all. Not a lot of foot traffic, especially at this hour. 

Her heart raced as she tapped lightly against the window once….and then again, waiting for a sign of life inside the apartment. 

After another few moments, she saw his face float into view, and he saw her. For a minute, she was terrified that he would ignore her, maybe call the cops, do something, anything, to send her away.   
  


But he walked to the window and patiently unlocked it, sliding it open and looking at her like he had expected her all along.

"Get your ass in here, Rey. You'll freeze to death."

He held out a hand to help steady her as she climbed through the window and hopped down, just beside his bed. 

They stood side by side, and it took him a moment before he reached over to close and lock the window with an emphatic _click._

He appraised her silently for a moment, his eyes wild.

"Are you _crazy?_ You could have slipped and fallen, you could have broken your neck-"

"But I didn't."

"Why didn't you buzz the intercom?" 

"I didn't think you'd answer. Besides, I...I like to make an entrance," she joked.

That made him soften, and he couldn't hold back a little smile. He shook his head and stared; she could see that the inky black of his pupils had swallowed up his beautiful, whisky-colored eyes

"Come inside. I'll... make you something. Tea." 

"I'm okay. Just--" her breath caught--"just make love to me, Ben." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know what's coming up next, don't we? 
> 
> Yes, we do. ;)


	6. Kiss of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes....the moment you've been waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “When I was led to you  
> I knew you were the one for me  
> I swear the whole world could feel my heartbeat  
> When I laid eyes on you  
> Ay ay ay ay ay ay  
> You wrapped me up in  
> The color of love
> 
> You gave me the kiss of life  
> Kiss of life  
> You gave me the kiss that’s like  
> The kiss of life”

It took Ben a moment.

“I can’t believe you would put yourself at risk like this,” he said, his voice like velvety smoke curling around her. He reached up to gently touch her cheek; she closed her eyes and melted into the gesture, nuzzling against his hand like a sleepy kitten.

Ben swallowed. “You’re not dressed properly, either. Take off that hoodie, it’s wet.” He moved over to his dresser and pulled out a clean sweatshirt. “Put this on. I’ll go make some tea.”

When he had left the room, she pulled off her hoodie first, and then everything else except for her panties and socks. She slid the sweatshirt over her head. It was thick and soft, with a faded logo of Columbia University. It felt like Ben, like being wrapped up in his arms.

Rey padded softly out to the kitchen in her stocking feet.

Ben was leaning against the corner, his back to her. The whole apartment was quiet, except for the muted sound of the tv in the background and the soft hiss of the kettle as the water quickly approached a boil. She walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against him.

The moment he felt her arms encircle him, he wanted to cry. All the feelings that had been building inside him the past few days had reached a fever pitch, and now---he felt them on the verge of release. The two of them stood like that for what felt like a long time, lost in the feel of each other’s warmth. When the kettle started to boil, he shut it off before gently removing her hands and turning around to face her.  
.

He tilted her chin up with one finger and kissed her softly, that first brush of his lips sending an electric jolt through her body. She leaned in to deepen it, wanting to taste him, and as he opened himself to her, letting her in, she moaned quietly into his mouth.

She had waited for this for _so long._

Finally, he broke the kiss and pulled back to look at her, only then realizing that she was standing there almost naked in front of him. Good lord, she was _lovely_. Ben licked his lips and fought for a measure of self-control.

“What, uh, what kind of tea do you want? I have Lemon, Gingerbread Spice or plain old black tea?"

Rey widened her eyes and gave him an amused little shrug. “I don’t care.” All she wanted was to be in his arms.

He nodded. “Okay, Gingerbread Spice. I’ll have some, too.” Ben made quick work of pulling out the box, grabbing two mugs and pouring the hot water for both of them. The nervous edge to his movements was endearing to her, and only made her want him that much more.

“Honey?” he held up a jar and she nodded. She watched his every movement, intent as he spooned the amber nectar into her cup. She had the sense he was still reining himself in.

Ben handed her a mug and took the other for himself.

“Let’s go sit on the couch,” he said.

When they sat, his eyes drifted blindly toward the tv set. _It's a Wonderful Life_ was half over, and she recognized it right away.

“Maz loves this movie,” she murmured.

Ben nodded and raised the mug to his lips; she noticed his hands shaking a bit. 

He didn’t look over at her when he spoke.

“Why were you alone on Christmas, Rey?”

“Maz and I usually go over to dinner at her friend Amilyn’s, but I didn’t want to. All I could think about was being with you.”

He finally met her eyes. “And now, here you are.”

“Are you glad?”

He reached over and took her hand in his, engulfing it in warmth. “Yes.”

Rey looked down at her lap for a moment. “Do you love her?” She couldn't say her name.

He sighed. “I don’t know. But I do know that I’d rather be here with you than anyplace else right now. So I guess that means something.”

She looked up at him with bright eyes, and let herself appreciate his beauty--because Ben really _was_ beautiful. She stared into those fathomless, dark eyes that looked right into her soul, the dark waves that brushed his shoulders, the delectable, full mouth. 

And right now, he was looking at her like he wanted to _devour_ her.

Rey slid her hand out of his grasp and moved to kneel between his legs. She heard his breath hitch but neither one said a word. He was intent as she reached over to drag his sweatpants down over his thighs, letting them pool in a heap on the floor. For a long moment, she stared at the thick bulge in his boxers. She had only had sex a few times, with Jason, but she could already tell that Ben was so much bigger. 

“Rey….” he started, reaching for her hand to still her. “You know, you don’t….don’t have to. We don’t _have_ to do _anything._ It's completely up to you."

She gave him a strange little smile. “I told you I wanted to, and I haven't changed my mind." She bit her lip. "I want to do _everything_ with you."

Ben raised his hips to help her get his boxers off. When his cock was free, she paused for a moment before reaching over to grasp the silky, hot weight of it in her hand—she was tentative at first, then began to stroke up and down the length of him.

He leaned back against the couch and sucked in a deep breath through his teeth as his eyelashes fluttered. She thrilled at the feeling of power it gave her, knowing that she could affect him this way.

Rey licked a broad stripe up his cock and felt him shudder as he watched her through lidded eyes.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered.

She shivered with pleasure at his praise and felt herself gush. She could already tell she was wet as she took him into her mouth, a little at a time. One hand was planted on his thigh to steady her, and he felt him tremble as she took him in deeper.

"That's it, yes...." he panted. "So good. You're so _good_ for me, aren't you, sweetheart?" 

A soft moan rose in back of her throat that was only slightly smothered by his cock.

"Take your panties off," he growled. 

Eager to comply, she kept her mouth on him and quickly slid them down. Ben could see the gleam of wetness between her legs as she continued to suck him more fervently now. 

"Rey...I want you to touch yourself."

She paused her movement at his words. She had never done that in front of anyone, but she knew she would do _anything_ Ben asked her. 

She held his eyes as one hand went tentatively, letting her fingers stroke through her slick folds. Her pussy was throbbing with need as she felt his cock stiffen further inside her mouth. 

Ben let out a long groan. "Ohh, Rey, what are you _doing to me?_ Oh, my _god...."_

He didn't want to come so soon but he felt powerless to stop it. 

"I'm gonna come, Rey....do you want me to pull out?"

Rey shook her head slightly, her eyes blazing into his, and he grunted again as she continued to bob her head, bringing him right to the brink. Ben cursed under his breath and came in a breathless rush. She tasted his fluid, hot and salty, release into her mouth and down her throat. 

She had given Jason head a few times, but she had never swallowed. It was different with Ben; she wanted _every_ part of him inside her. 

As he drifted down from his high, he stretched his arms out to pull her close and kissed her hungrily.

"You didn't come. My turn now," he breathed into her ear, making her shudder with delight.

Suddenly she was in the air as he stood and swept Rey into a fireman's hold, slinging her over his back like a sack of potatoes. She giggled at the sensation, feeling lightheaded, almost dizzy with the joy of being in Ben's arms. 

He carried her straight to the bedroom and deposited her on the bed. 

"Shirt off," he said just before tugging his own off. He stood before her fully naked, and she didn't know where to look first--he was like a piece of art, a magnificent sculpture come to life. 

Rey slowly pulled the sweatshirt over her head, revealing her small, candy-pink nipples. Ben remained where he was for a moment, lips parted, just taking her in. Although the apartment was fairly warm, her nipples pebbled immediately. 

"Oh, sweetheart," he said, his voice tinged with wonder. "Look at you." 

She bit her lip and he went to her, crawling up her body and mouthing her breasts, one at a time while she moaned and writhed beneath him.

"Ben, I need you," she whimpered. "I want you inside me."

"I know, sweet girl. I'm gonna taste you first, okay?"

She couldn't speak so she just nodded. 

Lying between her spread legs, he kissed over the slope of her belly, dipping his tongue into her navel and she giggled. He pressed hot kisses to her inner thighs, making her wait; her pussy throbbed, starving to be filled with him. 

He slid one thick finger inside her, rocking just a bit, testing her. 

"You're so tight, Rey. So wet." He felt his mouth get dry. "How many?"

She looked down at him in surprise. "How _many?"_

"How many men have been here before me?" There was a dark, possessive edge to his voice that completely caught her off guard, and made her insides flutter. 

"Just one."

Ben swallowed and added another finger as she shifted beneath him. "Boyfriend?"

"Yes. But I broke up with him."

His nodded slowly, watching her as he lowered his lips to her pussy and traced her slit with his wet tongue, making Rey whimper. He did it again, just a single, long lick that made her crave more. 

"From now on," he said slowly, "this pussy is _mine._ No one else touches you. Do you understand?"

She didn't even hesitate. "Yes, Ben. I'm yours, all yours."

He continued to pump his fingers inside her and drag his tongue over her swollen lips, just occasionally flicking her clit. Each time he did it, she let out a little moan; she needed to come so badly. Ben didn't seem to be in any rush, just taking his time as the pressure built inside her until she wanted to scream. 

"Ben, _please."_

He nuzzled into her pussy with his nose and eyed her wickedly. 

"Please what? Use your words."

"Please...let me _come."_

"Yes," he said, and finally sucked her clit into his mouth. She fell off the edge in a matter of seconds, bucking up into his face, keening his name. He didn't stop, even as her body shook until she squirmed away from him. 

He crawled back up kiss her again, his lips and chin shiny with her juices. 

"See how good you taste?" he whispered in her ear, stoking the fire once again. 

++

It was almost six when Maz dialed the home number to check in on Rey. The phone just rang and rang, finally going over to voicemail. Hmm, that was odd. Maybe she had fallen asleep. 

At that very moment, Rey and Ben were spooning in his bed. She had never felt so safe, so sated, ever in her life. 

As for Ben, he realized now why he had been alone for so long. He'd been waiting for her, and he didn't even know it. 

He pressed his nose into the crown of her head and inhaled her. She smelled of green apple shampoo and tangy warm skin, soft and warm and wonderful.  
  
"You smell delicious," he sighed. 

Rey made a happy little noise. "Mmm."

"I really want to be inside you but I think I need to eat something first. Are you hungry?"

She laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah, I am."

"I usually end up getting Chinese food on Christmas, but we can see what else is open, if you prefer." He paused. "Are you on birth control?"

"I'm on the pill, yes."

"Good. I don't have any condoms, but I know I'm clean."

"I am, too." She paused, as an instantaneous thought of carrying his baby flashed through her head. "Don't you have a family, Ben?"

"I do, but we're not close. Haven't been close for years. It's a long story."

"I hope you'll tell me sometime. I want to know everything about you."

His heart lurched in his chest. She was so open, so willing to completely accept him. It was such a strange, sweet feeling that it almost hurt.

"I want to know all about you, too," he agreed. "Do you have to get home tonight? Maz will be worried, won't she?"

"I'll call her later. I don't want to leave. Can I stay here?"

"Yes, Rey. You can stay as long as you want. But let's get some food. I'm famished."

After untangling herself from Ben, she felt a little chilly, so Rey put his sweatshirt back on. It was so long, hitting well below her hips, she didn't bother to put on underwear.

Chinese food was really the only option as nothing else was open, and Ben called to place their orders.   
  
"It won't be here for another half an hour at least," he grumbled. "But i have an idea. C'mere." 

Ben sat on the couch and beckoned her over to sit on his lap. 

"Are you still wet for me?" Ben reached over to trace her nether lips. He growled when he discovered she was still quite wet. He slid his pants lower on his hips and she lowered herself down onto his cock slowly, allowing herself time to adjust to the stretch, the immense feeling of fullness he gave her.

Rey stilled, adjusting to the feel of him stretching her slowly, luxuriously.

"That's it, _slowly._ No rush," the last word came out as a strangled groan. "Such a sweet little pussy, Rey."

After a few beats she let herself sink further down until he was fully seated inside her. "You're keeping me nice and warm," he said under his breath. "Just....just take it _easy."_

Rey was grateful for the chance to adjust to him, but after a couple minutes, she realized how much she wanted him to _move._ She squirmed, her movements causing him to grunt with the effort to stay still.

"Ah ah, just....just stay still," he murmured. _"Try."_

It was _torture._

The phone rang. Ben had no intention of getting it.

"The machine will pick up," he huffed.

When the machine clicked on, it was Bazine's voice on the line.   
  
"Is that her?" she squeaked.

Ben nodded, pressing his lips together. "Keep still, baby."

He barely registered Baz's voice.

Rey had the sudden and overwhelming urge to disobey. She clenched her pussy walls around him, making him swear under his breath. 

"Be _good,_ Rey." 

She reached down to play with her clit, rocking her hips a bit. 

Ben gritted his teeth. "Do you want me to punish you? I'll punish you if you're a bad girl, Rey."

The instant the machine clicked off, he started to bounce her on his cock, Rey tensing her thighs to aid him. 

He was pounding up and into her now, and Rey felt herself right there, right on the edge. The sounds coming out of both of them were wild, savage. He nudged a finger against her clit and she came, with him right behind her. She collapsed on top of him, and as he softened and slid out, she turned to wrap herself around him again.

He was hot and sweaty, spent as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

"Where have you _been_ Rey? I've waited for someone, the _right one,_ for so long. I just... didn't know..." he sighed.

There was no need to finish the thought. 

"I'm here now, Ben." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Kiss of Life,” recorded by Sade. Songwriters Barry, Maurice and Robin Gibb. Love Deluxe, 1992


	7. Nothing Can Come Between Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two become one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I always hope that you remember  
> What we have is strong and tender  
> In the middle of the madness  
> Hold on
> 
> It's about faith  
> It's about trust"

“What’s wrong with the table?” Rey asked.

“Nothing,” he shrugged. “I’m just used to eating on the couch. Comes from years of living alone.” He gave her a rueful smile. “Besides, this way we can watch a movie, if you want.”

She nodded, clicking through the channels. “'It’s a Wonderful Life' is almost over. We can find something else.”

“Rey, I want you to call Maz now, before we eat.” He cocked an eyebrow; clearly, it wasn't a request. 

Rey huffed, but she didn’t protest. Ben’s eyes were on her as she dialed.

“Don’t tell her you’re here.”

She raised her eyebrows, suddenly defiant. “Why not? There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Ben caught his breath. “I know. But I think we should wait. It’ll be better, trust me.”

Rey rolled her eyes and waited until the machine picked up. “Maz, it’s Rey. I won’t be home tonight, but I’m safe.” She paused, and her eyes met Ben’s again. “Don't worry about me. I’ll see you tomorrow," she added before hanging up.

Ben exhaled, not even aware that he’d been holding his breath. “Thank you,” he said gratefully.

“She’s gonna find out eventually."

He nodded and carried the tray over to the coffee table. “I have some wine in the house,” he said. “Would you like a glass?”

Rey's face softened into a grin. “Sure. If you're not asking for any ID."

Ben chuckled. “Well, it’s Christmas so we’ll make an exception. Besides, you’re in the company of an adult. You did climb my fire escape to get in here. I’m assuming you trust me, hm?"

“Oh, I do. I do, daddy.”

Ben froze. “What...did you just call me?”

Rey bit her lip but her eyes widened. “Hmm?”

“Rey, what—”

“I'm sorry. I won’t call you that. I lost my dad too young to remember him, really.”

Ben took a deep breath, mind whirling. “It's okay, I get it. But yeah….don’t.”

She smiled. “I thought you were hungry?”

“Starved,” he said, relief at the break in tension flooding him.

They settled down with their food, quiet for now. They shared bites with each other, communicating everything with their eyes, their smiles and nods. Rey was cheeky enough to swipe one of his dumplings, but Ben could only chuckle at her boldness.

“You don’t mind, do you?”

“It’s fine, Rey. I’m happy to share anything I have with you.”

She stared at him for a long, drawn out moment and he felt the tightening in his chest again.

“I’m so happy I’m here, Ben. This is where I should be. I always knew it.”

He nodded slowly.

“How’s the wine?” he asked when she picked up her glass for a little sip.

“It’s good. I like it. Makes me feel warm inside." 

“I’m so happy you’re here, too. It's just..I almost can't believe it. I was afraid to want you."

“Ben, I want us to _be together."_

He set his fork down and took her hand. “We will be, Rey. It's just gonna take a little time. You have to finish school. After you graduate, you can come move in with me." He paused. "That is, if you still want to."

"Of course I will. What about this summer, when I come home?"

He smiled. "We'll see."

A look of pure joy crossed her face. “You _mean_ it?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t. We"ll just have to clear it with Maz, but-"

"But I'll be twenty-one in two months, Ben."

He nodded again, tracing her lower lip gently with his thumb.

"And what about Ms. Netal?”

He shook his head. “That’s over. It was over the moment I let you in here.” He sighed. “Maybe even before that. Look, I don’t want to talk about that now, Rey. Finish your dinner.”

Rey crinkled her nose, and his heart shuddered in his chest. 

He couldn't believe he was so lucky. Now that he had her, he was never going to let her go.

++

An hour later, they were settled on the couch with full bellies, Rey's legs draped across his lap. She was still wearing his sweatshirt with nothing on beneath it. Ben was increasingly aware of the warmth and pleasant weight of her thighs across his lap, his cock just coming to attention, lightly denting his sweats. His left hand drew soft circles along the slope of Rey’s ankle, the right rested at the juncture between hip and thigh, keeping her still.

The garish opening credits of “The Grinch That Stole Christmas” splashed across the screen and Rey shifted, causing her leg to brush against his growing erection. In a manner of seconds, Ben felt himself grow thicker, lengthening to full hardness. He knew she could feel it, too. 

“Ooh, I _love_ this movie,” she cried, and suddenly the heat and her squirming and her softness on top of him was too much.

“Sit still,” he growled.

Rey glanced at him and was met with a look full of dark petulance, almost menacing. There was a fluttering deep insider her, like that of a small bird. 

“Sorry,” she whispered. 

“You’re gonna sit right there and not move while I touch you. Got it?” The only time she’d ever heard him use this stern tone was in class, when the kids were getting rowdy. It was his warning voice, and it sent a trickle of wetness between her thighs. 

Rey bit her lip and nodded. She wanted to be good, _so good_ for him.

“Watch the movie,” he intoned. Rey complied, doing her best to focus and control her breathing.

Ben’s hand trailed up her thigh and under the hem of the sweatshirt. His eyes, hungry for every bit of her, seized on the points of her nipples, now peeking through the fluffy fabric. Drawing a shaky breath, Ben slipped his hand all the way up under the shirt, skirting her belly, until his fingertips brushed a nipple. Rey sucked in a breath as he rubbed his thumb across it slowly, causing sparks to shoot through her body all the way down to her core. She shifted her hips again involuntarily, and the friction of her against his cock was the sweetest type of torture.

“What did I say?” he chided, his tone low and dark as bittersweet chocolate. 

“I’m trying,” she whimpered.

His hand moved to the other nipple and Rey did her best to stay still, quiet, _to be good_ , as she felt herself dissolving. 

“Be a good girl while I make you come. Want to watch you fall apart on my hand. But you need to wait 'til I give you permission." 

The sound of his voice, his words alone, had her pussy throbbing. How would she be able to _stop it?_

Ben’s hand trailed back down her body to the wet, aching spot between her legs and Rey couldn’t stop the moan that escaped her throat. He shushed her as his thick fingers traced her slit, up and down, gathering wetness before delving into her folds.

“You’re so _wet_ for me, baby girl,” he rumbled soothingly. “Such a good girl.”

Rey tried to focus on the narration of “The Grinch,” but it was impossible. Ben’s fingers parted her further and dipped inside her, his thumb stroking her clit, putting just the slightest pressure there. She ached for more, tried to will it with her mind, to make him move his fingers faster. 

“Oh, Ben…..feels _so good,_ ” she whined.

Ben rumbled deep in his chest, and pushed a finger into her roughly, causing her to jump.

“I’m the only one who gets to touch you, right?” 

“Yes, Ben. Only you."

“Sweetheart. Gonna take such good care of you. Promise."

He guided her all the way on top til her bottom was fully in his lap, and she was braced against his chest, his arms on either side of her.

His attention was laserlike, his gaze searing as her lashes fluttered, incoherent noises tumbling from her lips. He continued to stroke her slowly, two fingers probing her as she writhed in his lap. His other hand joined the first, as his middle finger thrummed, singing against her sensitive skin like a blade grinding against a stone—sharpening it, hardening her clit, making her more slippery.

“Tell me what you want, Rey.” His voice was low, almost reverent as he spoke her name. 

“I want _you."_

Ben swallowed thickly, his cock pulsing against his stomach. He was determined to hold out for her.

“How do want me?”

“I want all of you,” she gasped out. “I want to feel you, every inch of you inside me, taste you.. want you to fill me up...." her words broke into a strangled moan. 

"That's good, baby. Want you to come for me, let me see how pretty you look when you come."

"Ben, please...oh, _God..."_

"Yes, baby."

His hand moved faster in her soft wetness, bringing her up up _up_ , higher and higher until stars exploded behind her eyes and she shattered into fragments, into a broken, glowing thing, his name on her lips. 

"Oh, Ben, I _love y_ _ou,"_ she keened, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes. 

He crushed her against him, face buried in her fragrant hair as she shook, sobbing into his chest.

"You're _mine,"_ he whispered. _"_ No one... _nothing_ will come between us. I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Nothing Can Come Between Us," Sade. Stronger Than Pride, 1988.
> 
> There will be an epilogue for this fic, coming before Christmas 2020. 😁

**Author's Note:**

> *The Tyger." William Blake, from Songs of Experience. Pub 1794
> 
> **"Rebel Yell," Billy Idol. Rebel Yell. Virgin Records, 1983


End file.
